Posts filed under 'Exercise Addiction'
Happy Times
I don’t know what it is about a sexy LBD (little black dress), heels, and fun jewelry … but this weekend I felt good in my own skin. Confident, even.
It doesn’t happen often, but I know that when it does, I ought to embrace it and capitalize on it. I haven’t weighed myself in a really long time, but I don’t really care to, either — especially with my monthly guest, which arrived Monday.
The thing is, I shouldn’t necessarily need a fancy dress or an occasion to spark confidence. That magic can stick in my daily life, if I listen to my body and remember how good it feels to feel good and obey my hunger queues, obey my body’s limits, obey my cravings. (more…)
13 comments May 5, 2009
Reviews: P90X Teaser & 30 Day Shred, Level 2
This weekend was all about fitness, and in a good, healthy way — not an excessive way.
The weather was so-so, and I didn’t want to spend as much time as usual at the gym, so I was super-happy to hit the gym moderately and have home options, too.
When my hubby and I were out shopping Saturday (after he took the second of his three finals — he’s almost done with this semester) I stocked up on lighter (5 lb) weights, a yoga mat and resistance bands (pictured to the left) so I could do my first session of P90X — Core Synergistics.
I’m following the “Lean” plan, which seems to be more suited to women, but we’ll see if I don’t end up switching to the Classic track, or kind of mixing the two — I’m curious about the Plyometrics DVD which isn’t used for the Lean Plan, and I do so much cardio on my own, that I’m not sure I will do the Cardio X DVD very often, though I need to give it a try tomorrow. (more…)
Add comment April 26, 2009
The Party’s Over … or Just Beginning?
Roughly four weeks ago I decided that I was in control of my chewing and spitting behavior and that I could, indeed, CHOOSE not to do it. That I could be proud of my choices, not feel guilty for them.
In the two weeks that followed, I found myself over-eating on foods I used to chew/spit … and over-exercising. (I don’t share a recap of my days here like some bloggers do, but that’s the honest truth).
This past week, my exercise was more normalized, and I didn’t buy quite as many triggers. I also took a rest day (and will tomorrow, a travel day) … but I have been still eating more than I need to (for someone who still wants to lose weight and get back to where I feel my best).
Mostly, it’s been giving in to that-time-of-the-month cravings (which ends today, phew!), not flexing my resistance muscle, and just plain enjoying more than usual … (which isn’t such a bad thing, if I were able to be happy with my figure as it is … some days I am, other days … I’m not … call me Goldilocks, looking for something that’s juuuuuuuuuuuust right).
But as I’ve noted here, I’ve also eaten chocolate in the privacy of my car or at my work cufice that I know I just don’t need — and the secretive, sneaky way I do it … I wouldn’t want my friends, coworkers, husband, family to see. It’s embarassing.
So it is my hope that this coming week, I’ll finally see growth, evidence of that happy medium. (more…)
10 comments April 10, 2009
How Disordered Do You Want to Be?
I ask this because I, like you, have a choice.
The answer for me is … not at all.
We have a choice. We might tell ourselves our disordered minds are in control, but they’re not. We are.
If we punish ourselves with restriction or over-exercising, or if we punish ourselves with a binge, we’re doing it to ourselves.
It’s not about the food or the exercise; it’s always about something else. Food or exercise (lack of it or over-abundance of it) is a coping mechanism.
And I don’t want to use either as my coping mechanisms any longer.
This weekend, during an Honest.Open.Willing. chat with my husband, he asked me point-blank, “When will the obsession end?”
He sees me more than any of my friends and family, and he sees glimmers of hope, some aspects of behavioral change. He knows I want to be better, to be more fun again, to be the happy girl I was when I was heavy … but he (as well as others close to me) have said, ” … but the obsession is still there.”
He’s right, it is.
I want to turn it off. I don’t want to be disordered, or have disordered thoughts, or to make progress only to fall back. (more…)
19 comments April 9, 2009
Beating Ana: The Long-Awaited Review
A while ago, I was asked to review the new book, Beating Ana, by Shannon Cutts. This weekend, I finally had a chance to read her work.
Though I personally have never experienced anorexia or bulimia — both of which she successfully recovered from — I really liked the easy flow of her writing, and the positive tone she carries throughout the book.
(Disclaimer: I’ve never read a recovery book, so I honestly didn’t know what to expect).
But even as someone who never dealt with the severe mental illnesses she did, I can still relate on my own level. I’d recommend this book to anyone ready to take that step.
I liked how she makes the connection that, in recovery, relationships replace eating disorders. (more…)
6 comments April 6, 2009
More Food For Thought
“If you don’t learn to master your rage, your rage will become your master….”
I can’t take credit for this quote; my brother shared it via e-mail with me this morning, and I just had to share it here because I think it speaks volumes.
Apparently this (to quote my bro) “seemingly intelligent quote is nothing more than a ridiculous quote I learned from the Ben Stiller movie, Mystery Men.”
He suggested just trying replacing the word “rage” with anything I want and make my own sense of it, and encouraged me to give it a shot. (more…)
2 comments March 20, 2009
“That Girl”
I don’t typically engage in fem-bashing … I was a sorority girl in college and a cheerleader in high school and my best friends are female. I tend to defend my girls til the end.
But sometimes, we need to call ‘em as we see ‘em and at my workshop this past week in NYC, I met “that girl.”
Allow me to explain …
Halfway through the presentation-skills workshop I attended, we divided up into groups to do on-camera work. I was fortunate to be put in a group with three fantastic people and we totally gelled; midway through my first presentation I was feeling good; confident, even.
We cheered for each other (three women, one man), and rooted each other on as we each presented a challenge and a solution in a two-minute “talking memo” (not as easy as it sounds!) and then watched ourselves on camera. (more…)
25 comments February 27, 2009
Fitness & Therapy
June 24, 1995, we got the call that my grandfather, ill in the hospital, had taken a turn for the worse and had suddenly passed away.
It was pouring rain that morning, and my first instinct — after grieving with my family — was to go for a run.
I was a sophomore in high school, all of 15. I didn’t understand it back then, but exercise was my “escape,” my “coping mechanism,” my “therapy.”
And that set the trend for the last nearly 15 years.
During tough times in high school or college, I would go for a run to clear my head. When my heart got broken, I ran. When a friend hurt me, I ran. It didn’t matter how long or how far or how fast: simply the act of moving my body calmed my fears, eased my pain, made me feel complete even if my world felt like it was crumbling. (more…)
3 comments February 11, 2009
Sleep Cycles & Exercise
For the past four years, I woke most mornings at 5:15 to exercise … after getting 5-6 hours sleep the previous night.
Part of me loved/craved that feeling of virtuousity but the truth was, at the height of my exercise addiction, I feared if I didn’t exercise first thing … other things could pop up that would impede my workout because in my disordered mind, ‘I-need-to-burn-x-calories-today.’
It was pathetic.
I mean, I pride myself on my devotion to fitness and any time one can get it in is awesome … but I was crossing a line. I was going to bed at midnight and waking five hours later to repeat the same cycle over and over again. (more…)
9 comments February 4, 2009
A Bit of a Winter Rut … But Grateful for the Good
Therapy has helped me understand that many of my disordered eating issues stem from (or are manifestations of) anxiety.
In other words, even though I am not necessarily thinking of the current source of my anxiety at 2 a.m. in the kitchen, or in my car, or whenever/wherever … my subconscious has a way of getting in my brain and leaving its proverbial mark.
And for me, I take it out in one of two ways:
1) Over-exercising (pushing myself physically to distract my mind from what is really going on)
2) Emotional eating (as in, eating when not hungry; not a binge, but eating something to seek comfort instead of facing the problem — I’d count many, but not all, of my “midnight incidents” in this category).
Blog reader and friend Cathy shared this insanely relevant exercise she found via a Bob Greene/Oprah podcast. You lay out the following areas of your life and pick the ones that are harming you emotionally the most, and you explore ways to change them … or improve them if they can’t be changed. It’s a way to home in on what is stressing you, to dig deeper into the depths of anxiety. (more…)
15 comments January 15, 2009
