Archive for November, 2008
“Meet Your Body Where It Is”
I thought I’d share this inspirational quote today in honor of the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday.
I found it in Courtney Martin’s book, Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters, which I finished this past weekend and probably will be talking about quite a bit going forward.
The quote was in relation to one young woman suffering with an eating disorder who finally one day snapped (in a good way) and “woke up” during a yoga class when the instructor shared those six small words with such ginormous meaning.
“Meet your body where it is” (more…)
16 comments November 26, 2008
Social Networking & Pro-Ana Groups
Like many of us, I have a Facebook account, and use it to keep in touch with friends and family. Three weeks ago, I (boldly) included my blog on my profile, with the knowledge that anyone could take a look — part of my desire to live authentically.
Maybe I’m naïve, but I didn’t know what else Facebook was being used for until I came across this article in Newsweek titled “Pro-Anorexia Groups Spread to Facebook”.
Having just read Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters and having just met MamaV, who works to raise awareness about these online communities, I was particularly intrigued at what is happening in the social media sphere.
Intrigued and saddened, I should note. (more…)
5 comments November 25, 2008
Weather, Mood & Exercise
I don’t know about you, but now that it’s getting darker so much earlier, I’m having trouble adjusting to the time change.
But here’s something exciting: with the usual annual stress brought on by the time change, I think I’ve finally bid “Perfect Girl” mentality.
I used to wake up at 5:15 to the alarm with no trouble. Now I can’t even do it. It’s like I turned 29 (in October) and ever since, haven’t been able to do it.
In fact, I don’t even bother trying; I’m enjoying evening workouts and with my husband in class twice a week or studying, I am finding time each weeknight to go — even when I have my own dinner plans or after-work commitments.
This is a new “me” in so many ways. I’m not beating myself up for my inability (or lack of desire) to wake. This is huge, monumental!
Of course, when it’s cold out, all I want to do is be inside with my husband, the warm fire, a good book and a mug of cocoa. In fact, as I write this, the snow is coming down and it’s icky out. But I know I will hit the gym tonight; it’s in my DNA. Exercise makes me tick. I need it. I crave it.
I worried that with this recent “loosening the reins” mentality that I’d find myself skimping out on exercise, but rather, I am finding ways to work it in rather than building my life around it. (more…)
17 comments November 25, 2008
I’ve Never “Forgotten” to Eat
My parents tease me that I was born hungry; that I always had food on the brain, even as a toddler.
Even now, friends tease I have an oral fixation; something has to be in or on my mouth at all times: lipgloss, gum, water, ice, Diet Coke, tea. It’s getting better, but the truth is, I still think about food a lot. Not always … but a lot.
And while I admittedly wasn’t always obsessed with food the way I have been since starting Weight Watchers nearly five years ago, I don’t think I’ve ever, in 29 years, “forgotten” to eat.
I’ve met people, read about people, heard about people … people who admit that food is the furthest thing on their minds — and these aren’t people necessarily with eating disorders; they are people who eat to live; not live to eat. These are people who are so caught up in what they’re doing that they “forget to eat.”
Well, I’m not one of those people.
I have fasted most years since my Bat-Mitzvah on Yom Kippur, and I can deliberately skip a meal if I know I’m having a big lunch or dinner. But I honestly can’t think of a time when I’ve genuinely “forgotten” to eat. (more…)
22 comments November 24, 2008
Weight Loss 2.0
Joe's Jeans (Rocker cut) I have, but want in a darker wash, like this
Clothes-shopping this weekend was tough. Fun with my friends, of course, but though I found some cute tops, the extra weight (ok, inch) I’m carrying on my hips at the moment made it hard for me to be excited about trying on jeans; they didn’t lay right.
As luck would have it, the Joe’s jeans I really wanted, they didn’t have in the right color (though the size fit — they were too light; I am on the hunt for a darker pair).
Naturally, trying on unflattering clothes make me feel bad about my figure, even though rationally I know I shouldn’t be obsessed with my body or my weight.But hell, I’ve already admitted to you all here that I’ve not been loving how I feel in my own skin lately, vanity aside.
Sometimes these feelings just won’t go away. (more…)
17 comments November 23, 2008
You Can Call Me Copernicus
For years now, my dad — a genuine family man who would do anything for any of us — has affectionately been calling me “Copernicus.”
This has two meanings; one is sweet, and one gives me pause.
First, Copernicus believed the sun revolves around the earth and so as Daddy’s Little Girl, he tells me I’m his sunshine … and his world revolves around me (and of course my siblings and my mom).
Even at 29, I think he still sees me as the four-year old in pig-tails; the two-year old (ok, 5, 10, 12-yr old) dancing on his feet to Sting’s “They Dance Alone.”
But also, he teases me I’m “Copernicus” because, as a Type-A first-born, I seem to think the world revolves around me — or at the very least, should. (more…)
17 comments November 21, 2008
Loving Leftovers
Image credit: farm4.static.flickr.com
“Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!” I’d shriek in that whiny-brat voice.
I hated leftovers, hated the idea of eating the same food again. Ew.
Don’t get me wrong; I grew up fortunate. My mom always cooked delicious, balanced meals. There was no reason not to enjoy them the next day, or a week later.
We ate our dinners with milk. We could have seconds if we wanted them. And we sat down as a family as often as we could, even as our scheduled became jammed with cheerleading, dance, karate, etc.
But sometimes life got hectic, and my mom (bless her!) just wanted us to eat leftovers so they’d go away (especially if the freezer was stocked). (more…)
5 comments November 20, 2008
Tabula Rosa/Blank Slate Thinking
I believe we’re all born with a tabula rosa, or a blank slate.
Though fate might guide us in the bigger scheme of things, I still believe we create our own destinies, which are inspired/influenced by our upbringings and our environment.
And so going along with my “live in the moment/savor the present” goal, it ocurred to me that every day is really and truly a blank slate, as well — it’s not a one-time-deal.
When we wake up each morning, we can hit the Snooze button for ten more minutes, or get in a sunrise yoga session. Make oatmeal or hope to find a Nutrigrain bar at work. (There is no “good” or “bad” here; it depends on the day, what’s right for you — sometimes sleep is more important than the a.m. workout).
And each day is an opportunity to improve on the previous day, building off what we’ve learned: for better or for worse.
I don’t mean it’s a time for looking back or ruminating on the past or trying to un-do it, or even looking to tomorrow to be better. Rather, each day is an opportunity to focus on today — to savor today.
We can fill it however we choose — with how productive we are at work, how many e-mails we choose to ignore, what we do at night, when we run our errands, who we talk to (or who we don’t), what we eat, how much sleep we get, if we spend it fighting or kissing, if we save money or spend money, if we exercise or rest.
Sure, there are a bajillion outside factors that can weigh us down from filling the blank slate with everything we might want to see/do … and yes, we often (unintentionally) bring baggage from the past …
But there’s always today. And tomorrow. Another day, another clean slate. (more…)
7 comments November 20, 2008
Blog Name Change
You might notice I’ve slightly altered the title of my blog from Coming Clean: Tales of a Disordered Eater (which was my “coming out” about being a disordered eater) to Tales of a (Recovering) Disordered Eater.
Why? Well, I’ve been blogging and in therapy since July, and it has been quite the experience for me, as you know. As time has gone on, I’ve focused much more on the recovery journey/process (with its requisite ups and downs) than anything else. And so if I’m going to be branded as a disordered eater (which I’m ok with) I’d prefer to be known as someone in recovery.
In other words, for anyone who finds me in a Google search — there’s hope.
So … If you have added me on your blogroll (thank you!) would you mind adding that little change? Thanks — I’d appreciate it a ton.
Sincerely,
Melissa
8 comments November 19, 2008
Preparing for Turkey
Image credit: worth1000.com
I love, love, love turkey.
But I don’t like stuffing, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, or candied yams — four of the side dishes that seem to make their way to every Thanksgiving table I’ve dined at since birth .
(OK, save for our honeymoon in Puerto Rico when we opted for chi-chi Italian on Thanksgiving night!)
This is nothing new; as a kid, I loaded my plate up with rolls, turkey, cranberry sauce, and veggies.
And today, I still do (though now it’s wheat rolls and homemade cranberry sauce with orange zest!)
What always ruined my othewise-healthy Thanksgiving meal as a child and teenager was the appetizers and snacks my nana or mom always put out … and the desserts, of which I never ate less than two.
Today, I will prepare for the holidays with caution and care … not the careless abandon I had as a child, but also not the restrictiveness I’ve done in the past (which only backfired with midnight eating or noshing all day). (more…)
10 comments November 19, 2008
