Tales of a (Recovering) Disordered Eater

Be present in your life.

It sounds like such an obvious statement, but in truth, often I feel detached from myself and my own thoughts … and sometimes even my own life.

I find it interesting that one of the biggest tenets of Judaism is that God is everywhere, in the here and now. Though I wouldn’t say I’m particularly religious, I do feel very spiritual. I interpret this to mean that by proxy, we, as humans, ought to be present in the here and now.

And I worry that this lack of presence could be sabatoging me.

I’m an excellent multi-tasker (many anxious people are) but it’s hard for me to sit still or just allow myself to be caught in a moment without thinking five steps ahead (I’d say it began when I was little — I can remember being on fantastic family vacations, wondering where we were headed next — if we were at Disney, when would we be going to SeaWorld? And if we had a lollipop now, could we still have a treat at night?!).

Even today, if I’m sitting in a meeting, my mind is thinking of the to-do list on my desk and the three things I forgot to check off, the email in my DRAFTS folder, the fact that the oatmeal I had that morning that was just “eh,” how I liked my husband’s new shoes we just bought but maybe we should have chosen them in the darker brown … My mind is so rarely in the here and now. (more…)