Posts filed under 'Therapy'
Open Book
I’ve been doing a lot of introspection the past couple weeks. One of the drawbacks about putting your thoughts and feelings out there in the blogosphere is that not everyone will love what you have to say, all day, every day.
Shocker, right?!
Naturally, I know it comes with the territory; it’s a risk I have to take, both as a writer, and also as someone who is trying to overcome a challenge. I have to realize that when I broach touchy subjects (or any subject, really), some people will possibly be turned off by my words, and some people might feel annoyed, frustrated, or upset reading my words …
Likewise, I never know what will be a “good post” or an “eh post.” Some days I see zero comments (but 700 hits) and other days I get a ton of comments on a particular post, or follow-up e-mails.
Comments are good; they create a dialogue, which is one of my blog’s missions. Often your comments (positive or not) lead to another post, and I do that because I’m listening … observing … absorbing.
Deep down, I know change doesn’t emerge from stagnancy … and so I know in my heart that writing/blogging about the good, the bad, and the ugly has helped myself and others. And I do believe that without it, I might not be where I am today on this journey.
That said, whereas before I wrote my thoughts and feelings in a journal and no one but me could read them … now my thoughts are out there for the world to read. And that can be a daunting notion. (more…)
7 comments April 29, 2009
Chewing and Spitting & “The Bases”
You probably remember “the bases” from middle school and high school. You know: the locker-room gossip about how far someone would go sexually.
Well, I’m about to make a kind of crazy, provocative analogy that I truly hope won’t offend anyone, but it’s one that I’ve been thinking in my head for a long time now … and only now, do I feel comfortable enough to share it here with you, my readers.
One of the questions Dr. G. asked me (when I initially started therapy and we were talking about anxiety and my perfectionist tendencies) was how things are in the bedroom for me –am I able to “let go” and enjoy sex/intimacy.
I was kind of surprised, because I certainly wasn’t seeking therapy for marital problems or sexual problems of any kind.
But I guess when she heard so much about my tendencies to restrict certain foods at certain times, over-exercise, obsessive calorie-counting, negative body image etc., chewing and spitting — i.e., my tendency not handle such things in moderation — she was concerned perhaps those tendencies also flowed into my personal life (read as, sex life). (more…)
16 comments March 17, 2009
Slow. It. Down.
Lately I’ve felt as though I’ve been grasping for straws trying to get my life in order after a fall/early winter spent in much disarray.
I’ve noticed a correlation between body happiness and overall happiness/contentment/sense of order. Right now, I’m not in that body-love mode, and so my life feels “chaotic.”
Between my marriage, friendships/family, social life, work, blogging, the gym, and now my Lia Sophia business on the side as well as upcoming personal training sessions, I am going to have quite a bit on my plate — certainly not as much as my friends who are working moms, or those with a new baby, or my husband who is working full-time and getting his MBA part-time. But plenty to keep me occupied, and hopefully distracted from disordered eating behaviors/issues.
On the flipside, I asked for it, have made the strides to do something for me … and I am going to embrace it. (more…)
6 comments February 19, 2009
View from the “Couch”
So I’ve been seeing Dr. G (my therapist, for anyone who is new to my blog) since August.
At first it was weekly, and then in October we switched to bi-weekly for insurance reasons.
I didn’t know how long I’d need therapy for when I started; I was nervous and I had no clue if I’d even be receptive to it at all.
But it’s been a gift. It’s been helping me understand my innermost workings — how my anxious brain functions, and why it responds to stimuli like stress or anxiety or fear the way it does.
Though I haven’t stopped all my disordered eating behaviors cold turkey, I’m learning to manage them … to identify them and sometimes use them as a last resort — whereas before therapy, those behaviors were my visceral reactions.
The biggest thing I’d say I’ve come away with is a newfound awareness; of why I think the way I think; why I behave the way I behave.
She’s helped me reframe my disordered eating issues, which has in turn helped me reframe things in my personal and professional life.
Still, I was a bit surprised when, towards the end of our particularly lively session Thursday night, Dr. G. asked the loaded question — “Where would you like to take things next?” (more…)
14 comments January 16, 2009
Weights & Measures
Yesterday Lee over at For the Love of Peanut Butter (one of my favorite blogs about one woman’s amazing recovery from her ED) raised some really insightful and thought-provoking points about the dilemmas surrounding weighing and measuring food.
She notes that, as a former restricter, once she was out of her treatment, she initially weighed and measured meticulously, wanting to be sure she wasn’t going over what was recommended by her meal plans. Naturally, there was still that fear of eating too much.
Then, as time went on, she has gotten to a happier, calmer, more comfortable place where she feels she can eyeball some foods and simply doesn’t want to/need to rely on the tools anymore.
She doesn’t want to be tied to measuring cups and spoons and food scales, and she wants to trust her body — not rely on a measuring spoon to say, “too much PB today”!
I admire her a ton for her honesty and her insight, and say “Way to go!” for her determination to find freedom through leaving her utensils in their respective drawers.
Yet as a devoted Weight Watcher (who has admittedly never dealt with true restriction — Weight Watchers has minimums and I have never came close to those Points values), I’m mixed on how I feel about this approach for me. (more…)
26 comments January 13, 2009
I Don’t Eat Enough Fat
Fat isn’t a bad word anymore and it’s no longer shunned.
In fact, it has become a “functional food”, as more studies have shown how our bodies need it.
You probably know that eating a diet with a strong emphasis on healthy unsaturated fats offers protection from heart disease, lowers blood pressure, and improves cholesterol (decreasing the level of harmful LDL cholesterol and increasing protective HDL cholesterol). Plus a ton of other good things: like giving you good hair, good skin, strong nails, etc. Can’t beat that, right?
Well, ironically, I recently learned that it’s very likely that some of my weight gain has been related to a lack of said fat in my diet.
And I’m not alone.
After discussing what I eat on a typical day during my last session with Dr. G., she called me out on it: that I barely ingest any fat and that it could be hindering my ability to lose weight. (more…)
28 comments January 7, 2009
Awesome Interview with Dr. Judith Beck
Crabby McSlacker over at Cranky Fitness recently interviewed one of my heroes, Dr. Judith Beck, author of The Beck Diet Solution.
Her father, Dr. Aaron Beck, is the man behind cognitive behavioral therapy, and she applies the methods to weight loss in her book The Beck Diet Solution (which I’ve yapped about plenty here on my blog).
The phrases “Giving Credit” and “Flex Your Resistance Muscle/No Choice”that I’ve used here come from her lessons.
Because CBT is part of my own therapy journey, I’m especially interested in what Beck has to say, and will be purchasing her new book when it comes out.
Check out the awesome interview here.
4 comments December 15, 2008
Overriding Immediate Gratification
I’m learning through therapy that I struggle with the notion of “delayed gratification.”
As an anxious person, I like things here and now and done yesterday, not tomorrow.
So naturally, given my anxious hardwiring, it’s not always easy for me to, as Dr. G. says, “override immediate gratification” in favor of delayed gratification.
I can do it for some things that focus on the greater good (journaling diligently, exercising, studying, etc) but not for everything (my less-than-stellar spending habits).
For as long as I can remember, I’ve been a compulsive person. For me it’s never been about drugs or alcohol or gambling or promiscuity or anything that could do me bodily harm, but I am compulsive in my thoughts. Food and shopping tend to be two ways my compulsion manifests itself. (Talking incessantly (or thinking) is another).
For instance, when I go shopping, I go shopping. (i.e., often a spree — after which, I often feel guilty and march back to said stores, receipts in hand). (more…)
15 comments December 11, 2008
From the Doc’s Couch to Your Laptop
I met with Dr. G. last night and shared with her my concerns about blogging, as well as those of my loved ones who voiced their concern that perhaps ithis outlet was fueling my obsession and hurting me, rather than helping me.
I shared that I got a variety of responses from my readers and loved ones, and how I wanted her opinion as a professional. If, as my therapist, she saw harm in it.
So she asked me if my chewing-and-spitting and midnight incidents had lessened since blogging, as this was the behavior we were initially working to change. (Yes — they still occur but far more infrequently than pre-blogging).
She asked me if I enjoy blogging. (Yes, absolutely).
And she asked me if I would miss it if I didn’t do it. (Yes, I think I would; I love to write). (more…)
13 comments December 10, 2008
Immunity?
A recent conversation with a loved one has me pondering if perhaps I’ve become immune to what I’m experiencing … as in, maybe because I’m living it, I don’t see glimpses into just how obsessive I still am? And that perhaps blogging is only adding to my OCD relationship with food and exercise?
Some days I think this is truly helping me. I can sift through my thoughts and share my opinions here; it’s a “safe place” because I write and you read and then we create a dialogue.
But then someone says something that makes me second guess myself. Like a friend, or a loved one — voicing concern that maybe blogging is just another mechanism for my obsessivness: instead of talking about food and exercise … I’m writing about it.
In detail.
And so I’m beginning to wonder … is there really any difference? Is this just another manifestation of my OCD? (more…)
16 comments December 5, 2008
