Archive for September, 2008
Sizing Myself Up
Image credit: Ann Taylor Loft
Things were always loose in the waist, but tight in the hips/thigh/butt area. It was my Achille’s heel and so I always needed to buy “up.”
Since I lost weight, my waist didn’t change much, but my hips shrunk and my butt (while pretty perky, if I do say so myself) shrank as well. So I look a lot ’straighter’ than I did before.
I have been a pretty solid size 6 for the past four years now. I have some dresses and skirts in a 4, but most in a 6. In jeans, I can still wear anything from a 28 to a 32, depending on the brand and cut (28 in James, 29 in Citizens, 30 in Joe’s, 31 in Sevens and 32 in Blue Cult). Even my older “bigger jeans” (the 32, 31) still fit — just loosely.
But last fall, my weight gain (5-7 lbs) became noticeable in how my clothes fit: my pants started getting snug as I inched up toward 150 again. (more…)
5 comments September 30, 2008
The Women: Terrible Movie, Terrible (Tacit) Message
I saw The Women this past weekend, a re-make about both friendship and trust … as well as betrayal and loss.
Aside from it being a terrible movie with an all-star cast that was both poorly scripted/delivered and under-acted (or over-acted, depending on the character), it did nothing to help young women’s body image issues.
For a movie is written by a woman, and that only stars women (in fact, there’s one one male in the entire film and he makes his guest appearance in the delivery room!) you’d think it would have been the perfect opportunity to make some strides in this department, showcase some “she-woman body-love power!”.
Instead, the movie passes over obvious body image issues… and almost mocks them in the process by their near-omission. (more…)
Add comment September 30, 2008
Anticipating Success; Expecting to Heal
All my life, I’ve been a glass-half-full kind of gal, smiling and happy on the outset.
In fact, a good friend in college once told me I’d be “happy in a pile of mud.”
While some would say that is a twisted compliment or an outright insult (and to be honest, I wasn’t quite sure what to make of it at the time!), I now realize what she meant: that I make the best of bad situations, and have always turned them around, to my advantage, for the better.
I don’t believe in self-pity or wallowing … a little wallowing, sure. But excessive wallowing? You won’t see that from me. Even this blog is a matter of taking a potentially volatile situation and turning it around.
That said, I wear my heart on my sleeve and it’s hard for me to feign joy when my insides are crumbling. It goes along with my perfectionist tendencies, to always want to showcase the joy of life and not the pain.
But sometimes in moments of weakness, deep stress and frustration or, obviously, anxiety, I feel that equilibrium tipping towards a glass-half-empty, an unhealthy mental shift.
And often, if I don’t conclude what it is that is nagging at me, I dwell … and dwell, beating a dead horse, as my dad says.
A dear friend recently shared with me a quote that really resonated with me after she read my entry on my fears of ever truly being “healed”:
“She who anticipates difficulty, often endures more hardship than necessary.” (more…)
8 comments September 29, 2008
Apples & Honey for a Sweet New Year
Image credit: YourJewishMother.com
Even if you’re not Jewish like me, you might know that it’s the Jewish New Year.
Fall has always felt like the “new year” to me because of school starting, my birthday, and the Jewish holidays.
This year, the significance and symbolism of Rosh Ha Shana is particularly profound, as I feel like in so many ways I am turning over a new leaf.
Plus, I turn 29 on Thursday so it really is a new year in many ways. (The Jewish holidays don’t always coincide so closely with my birthday)
During the High Holidays, the ten days between Rosh Ha Shana and Yom Kippur (our holiest day of the year, our “Day of Atonement”), we ask those we have offended or wronged during the year for forgiveness, hoping to be inscribed into God’s Book of Life for the coming year. (more…)
7 comments September 29, 2008
A Night of Slumber
I did NOT wake and eat last night. I tried some deep breathing before bed, and I did not wake last night!! Just wanted to share.
Oh, and eight days down of no chewing-spitting. Hurrah!
9 comments September 26, 2008
Healing, One Day at a Time
It was so easy back then ... a Band-Aid cured everything.
As the white hot pain shot through my body, all I wanted to do was scream bloody murder — and I did. Sure, I had burned myself before, but never to that extent.
All day, I couldn’t use my right hand, and felt pretty paralyzed (a la my husband this past summer with his broken right wrist!).
But two days later, ice bags, ice packs, burn pads and antibiotic creams have helped my wounded skin on the path to healing. Already it’s less tender to the touch; I can type again. And by next week, I bet new skin will be growing back beautifully.
It made me think, “If only healing from disordered eating were so simple.”
I’ve made a lot of progress, but I’m not out of the woods just yet. And it’d be cocky to think so.
Though I’m supremely proud of the fact that I’ve now made it eight straight days without a chew-and-spit incident, I know that disordered eating — much like its eating disorder counterparts — doesn’t necessarily go away; it might linger, it might fade, and one day it might truly be gone. But there are no guarantees. (more…)
6 comments September 26, 2008
Glamour.com!
Glamour’s Health and Fitness blogger linked to my “chewing spitting” post in her blog entry today!
6 comments September 25, 2008
Feeling Sexy
Be honest. When’s the last time you felt sexy?
I’m not talking about feeling sexy in terms of intimacy (that’d be a given)… I’m thinking more along the lines of moments, incidental or monumental, when you just glow.
Was it when you and your significant other ran a 5K together (and toppled into the shower afterward?) When you put on that new skirt you’d saved up for and it slipped right on? The hot (lucky!) heels you wore out last Friday night? Or how you felt after you cooked a new recipe that was met with raving reviews? (more…)
11 comments September 25, 2008
Disordered Eating: It’s Not Just a “She” Thing …
How's that for a morning jolt?!
How many guys do you know are “on a diet?”
My guess (before today) is … not many.
Your guy might work out regularly and drink protein shakes… he might moan about his gut … and he might even eat oatmeal for breakfast (followed by a burger and fries at lunch).
But chances are, he’s not counting every calorie he eats or obsessing over every calorie he torches at the gym.
At least, that’s pretty much what I’d thought, too … until I read this article. (more…)
4 comments September 25, 2008
Stop the Madness: Midnight Eating
So my other disordered eating behavior — which my therapist says isn’t actually disordered — is waking up at midnight and eating … even after a great, healthy food day … even after I’ve been satisfied.
It usually happens during my period, which is this week … and I’ve used up 90% of my WPAs between the hours of 1 and 3 a.m. this week. Not even joking.
And it wasn’t emotional eating either– I’d had a great day at work followed by a wonderful night with my husband that included a fab sweat session at the gym and awesome bonding when I got home. No troubles on these calm seas.
Hell, I even put a NO CHOICE sign on the fridge and my cabinet last night … but it didn’t stop me.
These night-time snacks (but no spitting — seven days strong!!) are totally sabatoging me in every way, yet when they’re happening, it’s as though I am out of control of my own body.
I know they are part of what is holding me back from my goal weight and happiness with my body. I hope to sleep through the night tonight …
How about you? Do you wake and eat? How do you stop? Locking the door hasn’t even helped me …
18 comments September 24, 2008
