Tales of a (Recovering) Disordered Eater

Before Weight Watchers, I was a solid 14 or 12, depending on the brand/fit. And I was curvy.

Things were always loose in the waist, but tight in the hips/thigh/butt area. It was my Achille’s heel and so I always needed to buy “up.”

Since I lost weight, my waist didn’t change much, but my hips shrunk and my butt (while pretty perky, if I do say so myself) shrank as well. So I look a lot ’straighter’ than I did before.

I have been a pretty solid size 6 for the past four years now. I have some dresses and skirts in a 4, but most in a 6. In jeans, I can still wear anything from a 28 to a 32, depending on the brand and cut (28 in James, 29 in Citizens, 30 in Joe’s, 31 in Sevens and 32 in Blue Cult). Even my older “bigger jeans” (the 32, 31) still fit — just loosely.

But last fall, my weight gain (5-7 lbs) became noticeable in how my clothes fit: my pants started getting snug as I inched up toward 150 again.

So I had to buy two pairs of dress pants at Ann Taylor in an 8. It literally killed me at the time to buy the size up, but I didn’t want to be uncomfortable and knew I’d transition back down eventually (those pants fit just right now –a little loose, but not falling off).

Fortunately, I can still wear most of my post-WW clothes (and I gave all the pre-WW clothes to charity), but the truth is, some of my things don’t lay quite as beautifully as they once did, and it’s high time to admit it and move on.

So this weekend I had two wake-up calls.

First, I took my measurements for the first time in ages. From my thinnest in 2005, I have gained one inch on my waist and one inch on my hips. While my measurements aren’t a cause for alarm (I am still “healthy”) I didn’t exactly welcome this news with open arms.

Yes, I’m turning 29 and my body very well could be preparing for motherhood in the coming years as I edge toward 30, but still, it’s not a fun feeling to “see” the gain. (We all know the scale is not the best indicator; measurements really are much more accurate in terms of progress).

Second, I went shopping while the hubby was studying Saturday, and had a little crisis in the dressing room at the Loft. I found the perfect pair of casual-but-acceptable-for-work khakis in “oak”". They are the Marisa fit, sitting low on the hips (I usually like the curvy Julie fit).

Well, call me Goldilocks.

The 6s buttoned but were snug.

The 8s were a little loose in the waist, but wayyyyyy too long (and have the kind of trim/cuff at the bottom which meant they couldn’t be hemmed without ruining the look).

So the salesgirl offered me the 10 Petite, which is like an 8 Regular in the waist, but just shorter. I have not worn a double-digit size in four years. My initial (inside-voice) reaction was, “Hell no!!”

I mean, I know no one would see the tag, but I’d know what it said … and I had made a vow a long time ago to not see double-digits again unless I was pregnant! (Yes I realize this is ridiculous but I’m all about transparency here).

Reluctantly, I put them on … and, to my dismay, they fit like a freaking glove — the perfect length, and even though they were a little loose in the waist/hips, it was a sexy loose … something you can seriously only achieve when you’re losing weight and your clothes are just starting to get too big … something I hadn’t felt in over four years.

So … “up” size aside, I made the purchase of the 10P, reminding myself it’s an 8 for short people and just a pair of pants.

If, in a few months, they become “too big,” so be it — but given the fit I am pretty sure they’ll look fine even if/when I lose those last five pounds.

I felt great in them, and they fit the body I have, not the body I want.

And I can pretty much bet that I’ll get a loving pinch on the butt from my husband when he sees me in them on Wednesday!

How about you? Do you remember the first time you had to buy a size up? How was the experience?