Coming Clean: Tales of a Disordered Eater

18 Comments Add your own

• 1. nikita  |  September 24, 2008 at 1:46 pm

  welcome to my world… i wake up every night to eat. Around 2-3am. Usually, its something sweet. But me, i probably eat at night because i dont eat enough during the day. And even if i try to eat enough, i still wake up at night. Most of the time, its no harm… but sometimes, i can finish a whole bread or a pint of ice cream… not cool. :S The next morning, i wake up all sick and ashamed of what i did. I know i wake up every night, i know what im doing, but strangely, i cant stop myself, even if i know i will regret it the next morning. Its been 5 years i’ve been doing this. I tried everything, sleeping pill, lock, not eating before going to bed, eating more, eating less sugar, more proteins… nothing I still wake up at night and need my sugar fix. I’ve become used to, but id like to know why i do this and how can i stop it. Because from time to time, i sleep the whole night ! I cant identify the patterns that make me wake up.

• 2. lissa10279  |  September 24, 2008 at 2:00 pm

  Nikita, five years — that scares me, for me it’s been I think 3 on and off. Like you, I can’t stop it always — and have tried sleeping pills, locking the door … it’s become habitual but for me it is always tied to my cycle. About four days before my period, and then til it ends, I am nearly guaranteed to wake and eat. And it’s not a self-fulfilling prophecy; I have journals detailing the pattern. Is it hormonal for you by any chance? Cauz lord knows I am eating enough — I go to bed most days at 23-25 pts (plenty!!). But I wake 2-5 pts higher. Hence, that’s where my WPAs go … in the middle of the night — not even fun!

• 3. nikita  |  September 24, 2008 at 3:06 pm

  I think its hormonal too… I have thyroid problem, but i dont know if its related. Since i got out of anorexia, i got this problem. It started slowly because i wanted to gain weight fast… than it becomes an habit and now im stuck with it. Even if i stay at someone else place, im gonna wake up and go eat… Much less than when im at home, but still embarassing. The only thing i find is not buying anything that im used to eat at night. For example, no chocolate, no bread, no ice cream… so when i wake up at night, and i dont find these things, i usually go back to bed after drinking milk and that’s it. Its stupid, because i know perfectly that im awake and going to eat, but im half conscient of what im doing and i cant fight against my will. I wanted to go to a sleeping institute, do some test to see what’s happening during the night, but i got scared :S
  hope we’ll find a reason AND a solution

• 4. lissa10279  |  September 24, 2008 at 3:19 pm

  Ah, I see … I try to keep most triggers out of the house, but sometimes it’s something as innocuous as grapes or ff/sf pudding or yogurt!! Not last night, though!

  I’ve never really eaten a lot in one night-incident (never more than a serving of something) but it’s the habitualness of it that gets my goat. A sleep study would be interesting for sure — and you noted you might not be eating enough during the day … I bet that has some impact. Milk sounds like a good idea though. Maybe I’ll put out the powdered hot cocoa I like– so I can see it and if I REALLY want something, the mug will be there and it’d take a long time to drink.

  Good luck to both of us!

• 5. Cathy  |  September 24, 2008 at 4:57 pm

  what prevents me from snacking at night 9 times out of 10 is thinking about tomorrow morning’s bf. I LOVE oatmeal and have it about 10 different ways. knowing that I have a hearty meal in the morning waiting for me, that is only good when really hungry, keeps me away from the snacks — not ALWAYS, but most times…

• 6. Cathy  |  September 24, 2008 at 4:58 pm

  oh and milk totally does it for me. 1 glass and I’m all set.

• 7. lissa10279  |  September 24, 2008 at 5:03 pm

  LOL … if I were rational at 3 a.m. I’d think the same thing … it’s seriously like autopilot … similar to how people talk about bingeing …. except I never go all out. But I might try milk … I hate the taste plain but that might do the trick.

• 8. lissa10279  |  September 24, 2008 at 5:04 pm

  I should explain, I don’t mean night-time noshing … I’m talking about sleeping and waking to eat (I know you know Cathy, /bc you know me, but others might not know what I mean and so there’s the clarification

• 9. Staci  |  September 24, 2008 at 9:50 pm

  Thank goodness, no, I don’t wake at night to eat. I can’t even imagine because like you say, it’s like you’re on autopilot. Do you think it’s odd that it started after your weight-loss journey…like your psyche is saying if you sneak it in when noone’s looking it won’t even count? Just thinking out loud.

  The good news is…you do count it.

  Congrats on 7 days!

• 10. lissa10279  |  September 24, 2008 at 10:12 pm

  You’re so lucky, Stac! It’s scary … but like you noted, I do log it all … usually 2-5 pts. I am NOT going to do it tonight though … if I can help it that is

  You’re right, it only began after my journey but the thing is, it’s not even sneaking it b/c I’d do it when my roommates in DC (or husband now) are awake still if I am up and they still are too. Plus, I count it all so it’s not like I don’t count it … but there is something alluring about it, maybe … good way of thinking about it!!

  Thanks! Making it 8 tomorrow

• 11. Cathy  |  September 25, 2008 at 1:16 pm

  here’s a question. if it IS autopilot and you do it “without rational” then how do you manage to be sensible and “count it?”

• 12. lissa10279  |  September 25, 2008 at 1:25 pm

  Because afterwards, I stop and assess. I need to remember to do that BEFORE … logic says so! But truly, when I am waking at midnight on autopilot, I do always journal it after. It sounds silly and ridiculous, I know … but it’s been my experience.

• 13. Cathy  |  September 25, 2008 at 1:25 pm

  also what does your hubby say? doesn’t it wake up him and doesn’t he wonder why you’re eating in the middle of the night?

  just trying to help to get to the bottom of this.

  I know I’d be pretty embarassed if a friend or bf caught me snacking by the fridge in the middle of the night!

• 14. lissa10279  |  September 25, 2008 at 1:31 pm

  He doesn’t wake up if he’s asleep — he’s out like a rock. But sometimes if he’s awake, he’ll say, “Hey there…c’mon … what are you doing in there?” (b/c I’ve asked him to try to stop me before) and sometimes it works … but not always.

  My roomies used to ask if I was ok … but I told them (when it started I lived with them) that I was fine, just hungry.

  Dr. G tells me it’s nothing shameful about eating in the middle of the night and wants me to not be ashamed of it. What you’re saying makes it a shameful thing … I don’t LIKE that I do it … but 99% of the time it’s before/during my period.

• 15. lissa10279  |  September 25, 2008 at 1:32 pm

  And I use that as an excuse b/c it’s the truth … sometimes it happens otherwise, but not often.

• 16. Cathy  |  September 25, 2008 at 1:54 pm

  oh you’re totally right, it’s NOT shameful! but you draw comparisons to binge-ing, which I do do, and which I do see as shameful.

  I guess if I did it it would be much more of a sneaky thing and something I’d be embarassed about. but I bet I also wouldn’t keep track of it as you do.

  Really, technically, it doesn’t matter WHEN we eat calories. so as long as they’re counted, doesn’t matter when you eat them. so in that sense, there is NOTHING wrong with midnight eating, unless you don’t like it.

  sorry, I didn’t realize how I made that sound. you are def not doing anything shameful and dr. g is right!

• 17. nikita  |  September 25, 2008 at 1:58 pm

  Me too its like autopilot. And same thing if my bf wakes up, im gonna tell him im really hungry and its stopping me from sleeping.
  My bf told me one time i slept on the couch while watching TV. When i woke up, i went directly to the fridge, made a big bowl of ice cream, ate it without saying anything to him, then when i was finished, i told him i wanted to go back to sleep. Its very strange, because i know what im doing, but cant think rationnally. Maybe because for so many years, i told my body what he needs instead of listening to him… and at night, since i cant think straight, he tells me what he wants. I dont know really… but this week, i skip two nights of eating… which is the best since a long time lol…

• 18. lissa10279  |  September 25, 2008 at 2:36 pm

  I think I would feel shameful about bingeing … but this isn’t always a sneaky thing. Some times it is b/c everyone’s asleep … but sometimes not. And I’ve never forgotten to track it. It’s wrong for me b/c I don’t like waking in the middle of the night and eating; I don’t need the food. Someone suggested tapping my husband for a kiss when I am waking … but the problem is, I’m not cognizant of what I’m doing til I’m in the kitchen. No worries! I appreciate the advice/concern. It’s just been 3 years now and I am still struggling on and off with it.

  Nikita, so glad you understand! Exactly — I’m aware enough, but not rational. Good way of putting it. Great job of two nights “free” from midnight eating.

  I’ll call it “sleep-eating” from now on, b/c it’s not the same as someone snacking at night.

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