“Glory Days”
February 2, 2009
I re-read my Challenging Weekend post, and then read MamaV’s awesome post about the media’s obsession with Jessica Simpson’s “weight gain” and realized just how ridiculous I sound; how ED/DE is speaking …
Like the way the media is bashing her for having put on maybe a couple pounds at most (and I think she looks great no matter what — in fact, she looks much healthier now, frankly, in my opinion, than she did during her Daisy Duke days) I’ve been bashing myself this weekend for my own weight gain.
I think it’s because I saw a photo of myself from my thinnest, taken summer 2005. It was the summer of empowerment: I felt hot, lean, trim, toned. First time ever that I felt awesome body confidence.
I don’t look sooooooooo different now, but I have evened out a lot. I don’t have that glow I did when I lost, and there’s a little more to me than there was then. I realize in the grand scheme of things it’s silly to be obsessed with it … I know this, rationally.
And I think maybe those were my, to quote the Boss, “Glory Days.”
It doesn’t mean I can’t strive for that look again (I was certainly healthy then and not in any danger) … but maybe mentally trying to go back there is what’s hurting me physically; my body won’t budge and I’m struggling, yet I’m not at a healthy weight for me any more, and I don’t like the extra fluff.
By the same token, I don’t want to engage in disordered behaviors like over-exercising or being restrictive. I did it the healthy way the first time and intend to do it that way again, it just seems the bar is a lot higher now that I’m smaller.
So if I am particularly hungry today and have to eat more than my range, which would mean dipping into tomorrow … screw it. I’m worth more than a calorie range.
Just an ephiphany I wanted to share.
Entry Filed under: Body Image/Body Dysmorphia, Uncategorized. .
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1.
Mara @ What's For Dinner? | February 2, 2009 at 10:51 am
Not to pick on you here (which it kinda seems like I’m doing, sorry!), if you NEED to eat more today because you’re genuinely hungry, eat more today. Then start tomorrow fresh. No punishing, no docking, no “dipping into” tomorrow’s calories. Might be worth a shot.
2.
lissa10279 | February 2, 2009 at 10:52 am
Exactly … I’ll give it a shot.
3.
Beadie | February 2, 2009 at 10:56 am
I know that, for me, I will NEVER get back to my “Glory Days” if I don’t resolve my issues. I was in a much different place then than I am now. For me, now is the time to do the mental work instead of the time to lose weight. If I ever get back there, I don’t want to gain it all back like I have. That is where the mental and emotional work comes in, in getting to a place that is stable enough that the dieting work doesn’t end in binging.
4.
ART | February 2, 2009 at 1:18 pm
Hi Melissa – I’m just curious as to why you dock calories from the next day if you eat more than your allotted calories the day before. I hope this doesn’t come out sounding judgmental – I’m genuinely wondering. I’ve been using Sparkpeople for 3 years now to successfully maintain a weight loss (although now I’m pregnant and trying to GAIN weight…thank goodness for Sparkpeople Babyfit!
When I was maintaining, I did occasionally go over my calories – maybe once or twice a week – but I just ended up starting fresh the next day with a full set of calories. And because I only did that occasionally, it never affected my weight.
However, I think putting myself “in the hole” would have led to a vicious cycle of starving and over-eating. **Nobody** can survive on 1,000 calories a day, no matter how much they’ve eaten the previous day! I don’t think that sounds healthy!
Again, I hope this doesn’t sound judgemental. I’m just curious.
5.
lissa10279 | February 2, 2009 at 1:28 pm
Hi Art, I didn’t know about SPBabyFit but I love the sound of it for when the time comes — congrats!!
I am not going to dock for tomorrow if I go over today It’s hard b/c on Flex, if I had one higher day it didn’t matter. But I’ve been at the top of my range every single day bc of ONE high day … so I naturally can’t live on 1000, (I wouldn’t!) and so I end up jorunaling it for the next day.
I realize it’s a mind game, and it has to stop … stat. So today, I’ll eat what I eat and move on. I think maybe I wasn’t explaining myself well.
It happened that one day I had, say, 1700. So I’d start the next day 130 in the hole … and then another 1700 day would put me 260 in the hole, etc, etc!!
All of this is with my usual exercise … it’s a vicious cycle and that’s why I will just regroup today and start afresh, eating what I need to.
Thanks for all the concern though, everyone … I hate to fall back into “old ways.”
6.
Hopefool | February 2, 2009 at 2:54 pm
I am hung up on my “glory days” today too. I think February is causing it. February depresses me (more than usual).
You’ll get back there if you keep focusing on the way you think like this.
7.
lissa10279 | February 2, 2009 at 2:59 pm
Thanks Hopefool. I am sure some of it is winter doldroms, and in MI it’s particularly depressing!
8.
kilax | February 2, 2009 at 5:35 pm
I keep trying to get back to a weight I was a few years ago. I think it’s reasonable, but my plan to get there now is different and healthier. And if my body does not like that weight, I will let it be where it wants to be. Easier said than done. I have photos like that too, and I miss that “me.”
9.
Dori | February 3, 2009 at 11:05 am
You said this so, so perfectly. I feel like you’re describing me (interestingly, summer 2005 was my peak weight/body image happiness as well) when you said “It doesn’t mean I can’t strive for that look again (I was certainly healthy then and not in any danger) … but maybe mentally trying to go back there is what’s hurting me physically; my body won’t budge and I’m struggling, yet I’m not at a healthy weight for me any more, and I don’t like the extra fluff.”
Seriously, this is EXACTLY how I feel. You put it into words beautifully. Trying to get back to that point is causing me more psychological harm — I need to work on accepting the way things are. Thank you for posting this.
10.
lissa10279 | February 3, 2009 at 11:17 am
Aw thank you, Dori!!! Best of luck to you
11.
seeleelive (for the love &hellip | February 5, 2009 at 5:45 am
hey Melissa, sorry i have not had a chance to stopp by here in a few days——
i am bookmarking this post: i think its important that we all realize this every once in a while.