Archive for June, 2008
The Ugly Side of Things…
A recent SELF survey polled 4,000 women ages 25-45 and discovered that more than 6 in 10 women are “disordered eaters”. Out of curiosity, I took the survey online. (You can take the quiz here). Anything over a score of 22 was a red flag; I scored a 38.
The survey identified six types of disordered eaters: calorie prisoners, secret eaters, career dieters, food addicts, purgers and over-exercisers. Some women fit into one category and others, like me, could easily be grouped into more than one.
Turns out I was an over-exerciser, a food addict and a calorie prisoner. But while I never purged or used laxatives to lose weight—and I’m ashamed to admit this—I did become somewhat of a purger. (more…)
6 comments June 22, 2008
Unexpected Agony
Unfortunately, the love-fest with my body didn’t last.
My boyfriend at the time (now-husband) was overseas so he missed my entire transformation and saw me at 150, which was a shock, and then three months later at goal at 140, and he couldn’t believe what he saw. I was a new “me.” The ten-pound difference between the two weights was startling. For my build, I wasn’t just thin…I was downright skinny compared to my former self.
And with this new “me” came some things I didn’t anticipate, and didn’t read about or even understand till I was experiencing it and in too deep. (Cue: scary “disordered eating” music, if such music exists). (more…)
8 comments June 20, 2008
Getting to Goal
April 2004: A heart-breaking dressing room incident with my mom was the trigger that set me on the path to Weight Watchers. It had worked for her, and I wanted it to work for me. I set my goal at 135, not even knowing if it was attainable. I already worked out maybe 3 times a week at that point even before Weight Watchers, and so I simply upped my workouts to 5 days a week and later to 6-7.
I went at it the way I do everything else, with 100% dedication. I had a totally excited, healthy mind-set. I wanted to lose weight, and was willing to make sacrifices to make it happen.
I stuck to my points values and learned to make good choices, thinking about how my points were like money: I could “spend” two points on a crisp Fuji apple with ½ T of all-natural chunky peanut butter … or have a mini pack of M&Ms for the same two. I learned to make the better decisions (most of the time). I discovered light cheeses and yogurts, and found that oatmeal fills me in the morning much better than a bagel.
And then something miraculous happened. (more…)
4 comments June 20, 2008
Fit but Fat
It’s funny, but when I was heavy, I had no real body issues.
Then I lost 30 pounds four years ago, and suddenly I became the poster-child for disordered eating.
It might sound counter-intuitive that losing weight and keeping it off would perpetuate such a problem, but it did. In four years, I went from a “fat” girl with great self-esteem, to a thin girl with amazing self-esteem, to a normal girl unhealthily obsessed with body image.
Looking back on my pre-Weight Watchers years (i.e., the first 24), I don’t think people looked at me and saw “fat”; at least I never felt they did. I knew I was always bigger than my petite friends, but not by so much that it made me uncomfortable to be around them.
I fit into the cool labels—just in a bigger size. Years of dancing kept me from being flabby, and by high school, I was fit and firm from competitive cheerleading, which kept me physically active for two and a half hours a day, five days a week. And even the first few years of college combined, thanks to running and awful dining hall food, I only put on a couple pounds.
But a semester abroad my junior year in Buenos Aires, Argentina added another 10-15—who can resist dulce de leche, empanadas, chocolate caliente…? And before I knew it, I was graduating college heavier than I can ever remember.
I didn’t step on a scale back then but I have pictures and those pictures tell a story all their own. I was chunky. I was a 12 for the most part, sometimes a 14, and I had a thin, taut younger sister whose clothes I coveted but couldn’t get over my left thigh.
But … I was happy.
I wasn’t your stereotypical fat girl—I wasn’t Barthe De Clement’s character Elsie from Nothing’s Fair in the Fifth Grade, sitting solo in the cafeteria or picked last in gym class (every girl’s fear). I had an incredibly supportive family and amazing friends, and I didn’t feel my weight impacted my relationships with men—if anything, guys liked what they saw.
I ate what I wanted, ran when I had time and didn’t fuss about my butt looking too big in a pair of jeans. I had never “dieted” nor did I fret too much about my weight on a daily basis. In fact, when I began dating my now-husband our senior year of college, he loved me and my curves, and even when I’d say “I am getting fat” because I’d stopped running so much in favor of time together, he’d look at me like I was crazy and tell me how much he loved me and loved what he saw. (see next post)
1 comment June 20, 2008
A Promise to Myself
Everyone has a weight loss story that they want to share; success stories that delve into what set them off on their journey, how they lost the weight, changes they went through, and how they suddenly put on their skinny jeans.
But something I’ve rarely seen touched upon is the “after” story. How the “high” of weight loss—especially for someone who had not previously been thin—can lead to disordered eating, an infrequently-discussed yet real phenomenon that I know affects many women … myself included.
Everyone talks about bulimia, anorexia, binge eating … but disordered eating is an even bigger problem: according to a recent SELF poll, 6 out of 10 women are disordered eaters. (more…)
2 comments June 19, 2008
