December 16, 2008
It’s ironic (or maybe not?) that during the most joyous, food-filled time of the year, everyone seems to be talking about dieting, “being good” or “being bad”, weight loss, exercise … it’s like a national past-time this time of year. A fixation on “fat.”
At work, at home, out socializing, at the mall, restaurants, you name it … I’ve heard it. I’m convinced the topic du jour is the dreaded, dirty four-letter “D” word.
Collectively, we indulge and talk about it. We don’t indulge and talk about it. We talk about the new pudge around our middles and the extra flesh forming on our backside, real or imagined.
We commit to the gym, our trainers, our nutritionists, our diets, our programs.
We pooh-pooh things people bring to work (or to the gym or deliver to our home) as “too fattening” and groan when we see it … then we over-indulge at home on Puffins or something equally ridiculous.
(Note to self: If one is going to spluge, please let it be on something other than a whole grain cereal! Of course, I wouldn’t know about this … HA! Though I will say, yesterday I actually enjoyed some treats my co-worker brought it and it was totally worth it!)
It’s all so unhealthy, on so many levels. It’s just food. No, of course I don’t mean to imply the holidays are a license to overeat with abandon and skip the gym; not at all. You know I’ve never missed a day on WW in almost 5 years. (And trust me on va-k I tend to go wayyyy over but I still follow the mantra, “you bite it you write it”.
But the general obsession, the frenetic hemming and hawing about it, the debating of whether something is “good or bad” — it’s (dare I say it?!) kind of annoying.
And if I’m being honest (and I always am here), I totally participated in these conversations in the past. Hell, I probably drove these conversations in the past, I’m ashamed to admit.
I think the reason I’m not participating this year because I’ve just gotten to the point where, yeah, I still might think these things … but now I keep them in my head.
Because if I choose that moment to eat a piece of fudge, I don’t need to hear someone else saying, “I’d love a piece, but the calories, oh the calories … I’d have to ride the bike an extra half hour.”
They don’t know that I budgeted that in for the day, have gym plans that night, or am giving myself a freebie treat sans guilt.
And so giving someone else persmission to make me feel “guilty” about my choice is just ridiculous on my part — no one can make me feel guilty. Dr. G. helped me see that, too.
If I’m eating a piece of fudge, I’m eating a piece of fudge. It doesn’t require an outlined defense or even a passing commentary. Case closed. Would someone else want to hear it from me? Heck no.
But the sad truth is, I soooo was “that girl,” the one who (not thinking) made those annoying comments … or who would eat it, bemoaning myself the whole time. Not anymore, though.
Fortunately, of all my friends/family, I’m probably the “most obsessed” (and they tell me I’m getting so much better about it! Yea!), so I luckily don’t hear this chatter from them per se, but I have noticed a general megaphone-effect this year just living in this world.
Maybe because with the economy in the dumps more and more people are baking or entertaining at home? I don’t know.
But I do know it makes me even more aware of what I’m thinking internally … and causes me to “Slow it Down” (to quote Dr. G.) before speaking.
All of which brings me to the notion of the much-yakked about NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION. And why I’m not making one for 2009. Like that bridge to nowhere, I’m sayin’ “thanks, but no thanks.”
For three years now, since being about 10 lbs. above my WW goal where I felt my sveltest and my leanest, I’ve said I wanted to get back to goal, where I was in Dec 2004 & Dec 2005. That was it: my resolution.
And it hasn’t happened. Not because I didn’t want it bad enough, but I don’t think my head had been at the right place to tackle such a challenge.
In fact, I’m right back where I started this time last year, even after losing 5 lbs. earlier this year … only to gain it back. And since it’s that time of the month right now, I can’t even gauge where I am at this point!
So this year, my resolution is: I’m not making a resolution. Instead, I’m going to commit only to being the best wife, daughter, friend, sister I can be.
I really think that overall “goal” will cover so many areas of my life. For example, I feel I’m at my best when I eat clean (but don’t feel remorse for enjoying things I like). When I work out regularly (but not excessively). When I lift (and do it enough to feel the difference). I’ve noticed I listen more and argue less when I’m happy with my body, inside and out. I’m more confident, too.
I really believe these nagging pounds will fall off when I truly get to that mental place where I’m really ok with myself, inside and out.
It’s funny, for years now, my mom has been signing every one of her e-mails to us with the following line, “bs, bw, aaa, bh” (Be Safe, Be Well, and as always, Be Happy.”) I always love seeing that little line in her messages, but today I took the time to really think about those simple words. Be Safe, Be Well, and as always, Be Happy.
In the end, isn’t that really what it’s all about? It’s not about if I am in a snug-6 or a loose-8. It’s not if I had a “flawless” menu or if I ate totally off plan. It’s if I am happy with the person I am, the person I project to others.
There’s seriously more to life than our bodies. Yes, I want to nurture my body (I hope I always have that determination), but I also want to focus on nurturing my mind and soul this year, as well. Follow my passion for writing. Challenge myself with a book proposal. And prepare myself mentally for motherhood sometime in the next year or two.
The underlying thing behind all of these smaller goals is being the best me I can be. That’s why I don’t think Oprah is being silly with her commitment to health and personal improvement.
This isn’t about perfectionism at all; it’s simply a reaffirmation of my hope that 2009 will be the year I come into my own: mind, body and soul.
I’ve got a ton to be grateful for and happy about; it’s time to take that energy and devote it towards capitalizing on that good fortune, much of which I have created on my own, and some of which has been a byproduct of life’s mysterious ways.
I think I’m a happy person, and I think I have the potential to be even happier if I can let myself live just a little more. I’ve made awesome steps in 2008 with my blog, therapy, etc. But there’s always more work to be done.
For today though, I want to just love the person I am, and what 2008 has made me. A little heavier on the scale, but a lot lighter/clearer in my mind.
Talk about an amazing gift!
How about you? Do you make New Year’s Resolutions? Do you usually keep them?