On the Hunt for Moderation, “Information is a Gift”
October 31, 2008
I told Dr. G. last night about my big “coming out” yesterday.
And while she supports the notion of living authentically and listened intently, she also said something else that surprised me: “Remember, too, that information is a gift.”
She went on to say, “you choose when and how to give it.”
I’ll be honest; it took me a while to get what she was saying.
I’m of the Internet generation, where we’re encouraged to be transparent … even though we all know there’s certain risk involved in that. And being so open fits nicely with my personality. Given my “hardware”, I am the kind of person who wears her heart on her sleeve.
I tend to feel guilty when I am not being wholly transparent, which is why it was such a big deal for me to come clean about my identity on my various social media sites. And I’ve been known to over-share, to my own detriment.
In my mind, not sharing was being dishonest.
As my mom has told me, I lack an “inner filter.” I tend to just “speak” and not think.
Dr. G. wanted me to see that, in certain circumstances, moderation — measuring my responses, taking time to think about them — might be more beneficial to me, especially since I’m still learning to “slow it down.”
Moderation sounds wonderful … as a Libra, you’d think I’d be fabulous at finding it in all aspects of my life … but that’s not been my experience.
I don’t know about you, but I very much fit my Myers-Briggs personality type: I’m an ENFJ. (you can find your own by clicking here). She wasn’t at all surprised and, in fact, pegged me as such.
Given this personality “hardware” (and also being a naturally anxious person) she wanted me to see that I still had the power to choose how much I want to share — here on this blog, with friends and loved ones, at work …
She sensed that perhaps I felt some unexplicable (Type A) pressure to put myself out there, pressure that needn’t be there. But I was firm that I wanted to do this, for me.
In some senses, I can’t help it … it’s part of who I am, for better or for worse, and she doesn’t want me to change who I am. I’m one of those “what you see is what you get” type people, which is usually a compliment, meaning I’m viewed as genuine … and I told her that “guarded” has never been part of my vernacular.
She just wanted to encourage me to remember that I can choose how much information I share about myself … and that it was up to me to do it on my own terms. I liked hearing that; it did take off some of the unnecessary pressure that I hadn’t even realized I’d been feeling!
Moderation is something I’m learning on this journey: being less obsessed with exercise and food. Trying to live in the gray. Not beating myself up when I struggle or wake up and eat.
So while I am whole-heartedly passionate about my blog and recovery process and want to shout it from the mountain-tops, it’s up to me to choose the how and how much I care to share. Knowing me, I’ll continue to shout it here.
And that realization — in and of itself — is quite empowering.
How about you? Do you agree with Dr. G’s view of “information as a gift?” Do you think Gen Y is too “out there?” Is it such a bad thing?
Entry Filed under: Cognitive Therapy, Mental Wellness, Progress, Therapy, Uncategorized. Tags: blogotherapy, exercise, Food, information as a gift, moderation, myers-briggs, over-sharing, Therapy.
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1.
less than three | October 31, 2008 at 2:13 am
I do think that information is a gift… which is partly why I mentioned I live authentically with only one person. Part of the reason for my… exclusivity… is that I’ve opened up and shared myself with others in the past. I’ve let the walls come down and seen the beauty of being honest, real, and vulnerable with my closest friends. Then, I watched as my world crumbled around me and all but one walked out of my life.
2.
Stephanie Quilao | October 31, 2008 at 2:28 am
I really like your doctor! btw I’m an ENFP. No wonder we click..lol!
I’m constantly learning the art of moderation and dosage. We joke about TMI but on many levels it’s also true. Blurting everything all out at one time can be really overwhelming to others plus it does open you up to far more vulnerability. Again, vulnerability along with being authentic is a good quality, but you don’t have to be that way all the time. Sharing those parts of you is definitely a gift, and the more you think of it that way, it becomes a gift to you as well
3.
marafaye | October 31, 2008 at 7:06 am
Dr. G makes a great point! I tend to be all or nothing, when it comes to everything. My house is either immaculate or just a complete mess. I’m either OP or completely off.
Thank you for sharing your gift with us…I’m sure you’ve helped hundreds of people!
4.
lissa10279 | October 31, 2008 at 8:19 am
Less than three — I tend to be the opposite, really trusting and open … I’ve only had one real instance in my life where that worked against me. But I do see the risk and that’s why moderation is key for me.
Steph, why am I NOT suprised?
Thank you — hugs! 
Mara, I so know what you mean … though I’m not such extremes with my life, my THOUGHTS are very extreme.
And thank you — I hope I am/have
5.
auntie | October 31, 2008 at 11:58 am
i completely agree that information is a gift, but i’ve just come to that realization recently, and not through a good set of circumstances. but…it was something i needed to learn and i’m thankful that i can see the importance of that gift now.
6.
Sheena | October 31, 2008 at 2:04 pm
Information is definately a gift, but I also think the opposite (and maybe this is the pessimist in me) that it can be a curse. I have two friends I am completely honest with, my boyfriend and my immediate family — that’s it. Otherwise, i even have lied to doctors, telling them maybe one problem but not the history of another. And those secrets, that information, can eat a person up. Plus, I sometimes feel when I tell my boyfriend, for instance, that I had a binge/purge that I am just doing it so I can feel better, and it just causes him to worry and feel worse. I am completely an INTJ personality type, and that sometimes causes problems, lol.
7.
lissa10279 | October 31, 2008 at 4:15 pm
Hi Auntie — I think sometimes it’s hard to know how much we can/should say … but again, if we treat info like a gift, it’s up to us how much we share. I’m sorry you had a bad experience but it sounds like you learned a lot from it, and can see the importance of it now — which speaks volumes.
Sheena, that can be true, too — depending on the situation. When it comes to your health, however, I think we need to be as transparent as possible. That’s just my opinion though — lying to our doctors or stretching the truth only hurts us.
8. Reframing the “Catc&hellip | December 3, 2008 at 12:16 am
[...] I blushed a little over the phone, and told her that I of course didn’t just stop counting for the holiday … but that I just kept my thoughts to myself, journaled in private and counted in my head. It wasn’t actually so hard, come to think of it. “Information is a gift. Information is a gift.” [...]